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12.16.2020 – Snow Day

Snow days remind me of home, a place I didn’t leave to long ago. It inspires me to look within myself and remember who I used to be.

For a while I forgot what I loved… I forgot that writing as a piece of me and having a voice was so important.

I’ll let today be the beginning, beginning of the end. End to a dull life, end to giving up on my dreams. The beginning to being who I’m supposed to be.

Thank you snow.

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Fairness

I believe in fairness, as ironic as that seems coming from a catholic girl. But I believe everyone should be free to be gay, straight, trans, pan, etc. to their fullest desire. Because love is LOVE.

Life isn’t easy for anyone! So we should be kind, and empathetic to those who do not walk the same course as ours, whatever that may be, whatever region in the world you are in.

I hope one day we reach a point in our world, that society’s “norms” does not dictate how feel about one another, so we can recognize we all are one and we deserve as much love and respect.

My heart goes out to all those silenced voices right now, too afraid to embrace themselves because of how cruel this world can be. My admiration and applause go out to those who were brave enough to say fuck it and fight the world everyday just to be themselves and how I wish I could be a part of your elegant community.

I will be an ally until the day I die and I think we all should support each other!!!! LOVE is LOVE. I believe in equality and fairness.

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Passionately

I think in a previous life, I loved very passionately… To the point it would influence my every decision. Love was being my every motive. Every breathe, blink, thought in the name of love…. It was my obsession.

Without love… I was nothing… It was my food, my medicine, my power source, my everything. It was the ulterior motive behind every friendship, every plan. To get the one I “loved” at that moment.

Now I can hardly recall the taste of passion, I vaguely remember what it feels like. To love so deeply it feels like your soul is on fire. I remember I used to live for it breathe for it, however I no longer feel that burn within me.

Maybe I burnt it out, while I was pursuing and got too close.

I’m in love, but I fear I’ll never feel THAT love. Yet I think it’s for the best. I don’t think people are meant to stumble through life unable to see their surroundings being lead by an obsession.

Now I see there’s a world to explore, and I’m confident I’ll fall in love with it than with an individual. I rather be obsessed with the world as whole anyway, because whether your obsessed with it or not, the world determines your life? Why not fall in love with it? Every living thing…. Everything that ever was or will be.

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I Let Him

I let him take my shine away… I let him make me feel small and insignificant as others before. I know it wasn’t his intention but it was the result.

No one is to blame, or if anything it would be obsession with the desire to be loved, even in this relationship that I fought so hard to bring into fruition I don’t feel it.

Mindlessly I scroll through social media, envious of those couples who are seemingly happy and all over each other. Why can’t I have that? As I overhear my significant other on a conference call. When I wake up he doesn’t bother to say “good morning, or how did I sleep?” but instead order me to do something.

I don’t know love very well, but what I do know is I will no longer hand my love on a silver platter to someone who can’t appreciate it or reciprocate it.

Maybe I deserve better.

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Hey protestors, pipe down

05/31/20

The world is angry with reason; If mandatory social distancing and a global pandemic is not enough to stress you out, the public execution of George Floyd broke millions of hearts and set afire millions more.

We have every reason to be angry, and their should be protests; BUT NOT AT THE COST OF INNOCENT PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING. Do not forget in your rage that people are struggling to keep their jobs and put food on the table. Some of us are lucky and have the luxury to work from home however many more do not.

These stores your burning and looting do not belong to the police officers who committed this heinous crime. They belong to small businesses owners or companies who employ retail workers who also have families to feed.

GO ahead protest, but do so in peace. Do not harm people who are already enduring a tough time. If this is protest is about justice then do not commit injustice. It isn’t right, and it’s hypocritical when you protest at the cost of others.

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Trending : Covid-19

“What a time to be alive.” – Drake

For us as a species, as generations who never witnessed anything like this, it feels almost unreal. I usually don’t like talking about what’s the hot topic, but this is a scary topic. I remember reading about disease’s with no cure during their time in text books: leper, plague, small pox. Now we will go down in text books, even as a super advanced civilization in comparison we’re still very much human…

I’m genuinely afraid to leave my house, (I’m sure the feeling is mutual with anyone reading this). If I touch the door knob to enter my apartment building my immediate move is to wash my hands. My fear is getting loved ones sick than becoming sick myself, selfishly my biggest fear than that is having to go into quarantine which is just another word for “house arrest” if you ask me. I love my freedom so much and I would hate to lose it because of this illness.

Yet here we’re slowly losing it without even realizing, no longer being able to celebrate, entertain, worship, interact, work, etc the way we normally do. Social distancing is for our benefit, however I can’t help to experience a bit of loss at those measures. Yet I’m at war with myself because as much as I love my freedom, I believe it’s better to overreact than under react in situation like these.

There is a silver lining: No matter where you are in this world we’re going through this together and we’re brought together with our struggles another beauty of being human.

Kindly,

GS

 

(Drop a comment below if you want to share your thoughts, woes or just merely distract yourself)

 

 

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What Is…

I’m not sure what to write.. I had so many ideas before I got here. Now my mind just went completely blank.. However I love the sound the keys make when I press them and how they feel under my fingers as without looking I create words and stories. It’s as if somehow the universe is in my hands to bend and will it however I like.

I guess my story today can be how I’m a spoiled girl. But through tons of failed relationships, lost opportunities and even unemployment. It took one patient man and complicated relationship to make me realize that enough to want to make a change…

24 years and now I finally learned that it isn’t right to throw a fit when things do not happen at the snap of a finger. In fact it’s unjust and cruel to demand other wise especially of a person. Life happens at it’s own pace and the more you fight the harder it gets. The best I can do is let that spoiled brat go and become an adult and accept the cliche “change what you can and accept what you cannot” or something like that.

Learning to accept it’s the hard part. That’s why I write, because it’s the only place I can bend my reality to my will. A little vacation…and peace of mind, while I learn to accept what is.

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Un complacency

So for the past couple of months I kind of have been shutting myself out from the world.

Alienating myself in every way and I also realized that’s not good for me or for my loved ones, because I’m hard to be around when I’m in the head space… so I’m going to take baby steps to come out of my cave and be a part of society again.

About two years ago I had back to back catastrophes in my life and my instinct was to retreat, however I grown complacent with this unhealthy state, confided in just one person and no one deserves carrying all that weight.

So I need to get it together… and be better and that’s what I’m going to do within the following months just find my better self again.

Stay tuned for a mass production of art and stories as I go through this journey of coming into the world again. Wish me luck ✨

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Secrets of the Notes

It’s crazy the amount of conversations that will never happen I write down In my notes. Books that will never be read, thoughts that will never be spoken, stories that will never be told.

I probably already created a million universes by now, broke up with you a million times, married you five seconds later, became a world famous author had three kids and a dog. Yet none will ever know

All hypothetical situations that never came into fruition hanging out at the palm of my hand… Only the virtual pages of my notes has experienced them yet will never tell a single soul…

How much I thought created, loved, laughed, lived inside my head day after day year after year never having the courage to bring it to reality. The secrets in my notes. How badly I wanted… everything and more.