Posted in Mask Off

Secrets of the Notes

It’s crazy the amount of conversations that will never happen I write down In my notes. Books that will never be read, thoughts that will never be spoken, stories that will never be told.

I probably already created a million universes by now, broke up with you a million times, married you five seconds later, became a world famous author had three kids and a dog. Yet none will ever know

All hypothetical situations that never came into fruition hanging out at the palm of my hand… Only the virtual pages of my notes has experienced them yet will never tell a single soul…

How much I thought created, loved, laughed, lived inside my head day after day year after year never having the courage to bring it to reality. The secrets in my notes. How badly I wanted… everything and more.

Posted in Mask Off

Not Good

Im not good at saying things out loud

When it comes to giving up I’m even worse

Never made the decision to let go, even when I wanted to, I needed to, only let go when I was forced.

Despite me not being good at speaking, Ironically enough I am great at making conversation.

I’m antisocial and lonely but literally I make a new friend everywhere I go.

 

a constant paradox…

 

Im good at noticing things, like noticing someone was in your house after the first time I was there even though they didn’t touch anything

noticing that you’re lying even though you think you are telling the truth,

however the art observation

bears gifts… like the art of imitation

so I pretend that I believe you and I pretend I didn’t notice anything

 

but I always knew I always know

Posted in Mask Off

The truth…

Sometimes i hear the question “What’s the craziest thing you did in college?”

Honestly, I don’t think there is a “Craziest” thing. A moment in time with I commited, witnessed and participated in the ultimate insanity.

The experience as a whole has been insane. Unpredictable, heart breaking yet mesmerizing at the same time. I went to school with this mentality, that everyone is mature, and there is no way it would be anything like highschool cause we reached a certain age.

Then I realized, from my experience you never really become an adult emotionally.

I met people, I wish I could unmeet, others I wish I’ve got to keep. I fell in-love for the very first time, and realized whatever I thought I felt before was an absolute lie.

Reality of being a woman in a men’s world hit me harder than ever, when I realized I had no voice… and everyone took a person’s voice over mine not based off circumstances but the fact that I was born without a penis.

Also I learned that people lie a lot, including myself, especially myself all those times I told myself everything was okay when it wasn’t, the times I let myself believe everything was my fault but I wasn’t the sole person to blame.

I thought i was a genuinely good person, but I realized i’m not and at times I didn’t even hesitate hurting the ones closest to me.

College was, is the craziest experience, because I grew the most outside of the classroom than inside. Before coming here i lived in an imaginary world where everyone was good and had good. Then i discovered the bad in people, I ate the forbidden apple and found out the truths.

The scary thing about the truth…. It’s that it isn’t kind, it does not care for your feelings or what you been through or who you are. It spares no-one and it’s reality, ugly.

So i guess the craziest thing I did in college, was discover the truth about people and the world.