Posted in Mask Off

What Is…

I’m not sure what to write.. I had so many ideas before I got here. Now my mind just went completely blank.. However I love the sound the keys make when I press them and how they feel under my fingers as without looking I create words and stories. It’s as if somehow the universe is in my hands to bend and will it however I like.

I guess my story today can be how I’m a spoiled girl. But through tons of failed relationships, lost opportunities and even unemployment. It took one patient man and complicated relationship to make me realize that enough to want to make a change…

24 years and now I finally learned that it isn’t right to throw a fit when things do not happen at the snap of a finger. In fact it’s unjust and cruel to demand other wise especially of a person. Life happens at it’s own pace and the more you fight the harder it gets. The best I can do is let that spoiled brat go and become an adult and accept the cliche “change what you can and accept what you cannot” or something like that.

Learning to accept it’s the hard part. That’s why I write, because it’s the only place I can bend my reality to my will. A little vacation…and peace of mind, while I learn to accept what is.

Posted in Mask Off

Un complacency

So for the past couple of months I kind of have been shutting myself out from the world.

Alienating myself in every way and I also realized that’s not good for me or for my loved ones, because I’m hard to be around when I’m in the head space… so I’m going to take baby steps to come out of my cave and be a part of society again.

About two years ago I had back to back catastrophes in my life and my instinct was to retreat, however I grown complacent with this unhealthy state, confided in just one person and no one deserves carrying all that weight.

So I need to get it together… and be better and that’s what I’m going to do within the following months just find my better self again.

Stay tuned for a mass production of art and stories as I go through this journey of coming into the world again. Wish me luck ✨

Posted in Mask Off

Secrets of the Notes

It’s crazy the amount of conversations that will never happen I write down In my notes. Books that will never be read, thoughts that will never be spoken, stories that will never be told.

I probably already created a million universes by now, broke up with you a million times, married you five seconds later, became a world famous author had three kids and a dog. Yet none will ever know

All hypothetical situations that never came into fruition hanging out at the palm of my hand… Only the virtual pages of my notes has experienced them yet will never tell a single soul…

How much I thought created, loved, laughed, lived inside my head day after day year after year never having the courage to bring it to reality. The secrets in my notes. How badly I wanted… everything and more.

Posted in Poetry

White Rose

A white rose

You gave me

On a summer day

You smiled at me

Said don’t be afraid

We laid on doorsteps

You played with my hair

I stared into your eyes

They never told me lies

Back then it felt right

Days passed

The rose stayed in glass

One day our friend passed

Our rose I laid on her casket

With all my love I sent her off

A white rose

Away it goes

Life wasn’t ever meant

To make sense

I learned that then

Good bye

Dear friend…

Posted in Poetry

Scarlet

Ever changing like the ocean waves

I live life

Day by day

Closing my eyes

A sweet escape

 

The blissful moment

With this breath I take

I want to learn what is love

Too tired of hate

 

Little did I know

You would cross my way

I caught feelings

As I was running away

 

Now I made this mess

Worse than Macbeth

I don’t know what to make of it

I am already tainted by it

 

You can’t stop staring

At my scarlet letter

It’s gone

Your gone.

Posted in Mask Off

“Forever” I mean never

I don’t mean to be cold

But I fell out of love

Your eyes don’t do it for me anymore

Waking up next to you feels like a chore

 

One last glance

Before I leave

I really hope you can forget me

Because we can no longer do this dance

 

I’m only sad because I don’t like endings

You know it’s a problem

That I smile more

When I’m alone

 

You’re beautiful to everyone

Smile beyond charming

But to me it’s frightening

You’re face has become something ugly

 

I walk by your side

All eyes on you

Silly girls what fools

That was me before I got to know you

 

This morning

I’ll wake you up with a kiss

“See you later”

But I won’t, this is goodbye forever…

Posted in Mask Off

The Crazy One

My hands are bleeding

Still I write

Your words deceiving

Yet I listen

 

When everything

Means nothing

Whats so wrong with dreaming

Of something greater than this

 

Something soft , something gentle

like a very first kiss

To get this heart beating

Although my soul is screaming

 

Yet these are strange times

Empty words

Meaningless actions

Is what we have come to…

 

They call me a fool

For trying to start brand new

Maybe there is good in everyone

And I am no longer the crazy one