So for the past couple of months I kind of have been shutting myself out from the world.
Alienating myself in every way and I also realized that’s not good for me or for my loved ones, because I’m hard to be around when I’m in the head space… so I’m going to take baby steps to come out of my cave and be a part of society again.
About two years ago I had back to back catastrophes in my life and my instinct was to retreat, however I grown complacent with this unhealthy state, confided in just one person and no one deserves carrying all that weight.
So I need to get it together… and be better and that’s what I’m going to do within the following months just find my better self again.
Stay tuned for a mass production of art and stories as I go through this journey of coming into the world again. Wish me luck ✨
It’s crazy the amount of conversations that will never happen I write down In my notes. Books that will never be read, thoughts that will never be spoken, stories that will never be told.
I probably already created a million universes by now, broke up with you a million times, married you five seconds later, became a world famous author had three kids and a dog. Yet none will ever know
All hypothetical situations that never came into fruition hanging out at the palm of my hand… Only the virtual pages of my notes has experienced them yet will never tell a single soul…
How much I thought created, loved, laughed, lived inside my head day after day year after year never having the courage to bring it to reality. The secrets in my notes. How badly I wanted… everything and more.
What I want men to know,
There is a deepness within me a mind full of thoughts and ideas, a heart full of feelings. I have a mother, father, brothers and a dog.
I have my fears, demons, scars and I really hate the dark.
I am also very ambitious, I have dreams, goals and I am capable of having an intellectual conversation that isn’t about mainstream stuff.
Oh yes, i do wear bikinis to the beach that flaunt my figure, and when i go out i like to put make up on, sometimes even red lipstick when i am feeling edgy.
But it’s not for you, it has never been for you.
It’s for me, to feel good about myself
I am not an object for your desires just because from time to time I am extra appealing to your eyes.
So please next time you approach me, approach me as a friend and not a prey or a fish. This isn’t hunting I will never ever belong to anyone but myself.
So can I please feel beautiful without being harassed at least once?
A white rose
You gave me
On a summer day
You smiled at me
Said don’t be afraid
We laid on doorsteps
You played with my hair
I stared into your eyes
They never told me lies
Back then it felt right
The rose stayed in glass
One day our friend passed
Our rose I laid on her casket
With all my love I sent her off
A white rose
Away it goes
Life wasn’t ever meant
To make sense
I learned that then
See me for my soul , love me for my flaws. This pretty face and body will one day fall apart. So when you decide to love me or take interest in me, do it because you got to know me and you see the good that no one else sees.
Because you feel a connection and you been thinking about me since the day you met me, you remember it so clearly you knew what I was wearing.
I’m tired of being acknowledged for my physical condition.
There’s got to be more to a person than just a body.
I don’t want to put the photos up…
because I’m afraid…
afraid I’ll miss you too much.
You left and didn’t say a word.
I suppose that’s what I deserved
After the stunt I pulled
Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you
Think about you from time to time
And the pictures are sharp
Like the shattered glass
Of my heart
When you left me behind
I wasn’t in love
But what it was pretty close
I guess you’ll never know
The mess you made of me
Looking at our Polaroids
Staring in your eyes
Now we sleep under different skies
Who knew what could’ve been
Strangers once again…