Posted in Mask Off

Secrets of the Notes

It’s crazy the amount of conversations that will never happen I write down In my notes. Books that will never be read, thoughts that will never be spoken, stories that will never be told.

I probably already created a million universes by now, broke up with you a million times, married you five seconds later, became a world famous author had three kids and a dog. Yet none will ever know

All hypothetical situations that never came into fruition hanging out at the palm of my hand… Only the virtual pages of my notes has experienced them yet will never tell a single soul…

How much I thought created, loved, laughed, lived inside my head day after day year after year never having the courage to bring it to reality. The secrets in my notes. How badly I wanted… everything and more.

Posted in Mask Off

We owe the world everything

to put things into perspective if humanity had a political party, we would be called “the narcissists”

if anyone owes anyone anything it’s us

we owe the world a big fat apology… we owe life that.

(disclaimer; if you’re annoyed for being general and putting all humanity into one box and thinking to yourself I’m not a narcissist the fact that you are pissed off that generalized and your thinking about yourself just proves my point right and made you contradict yourself)

the other day, I had an argument with my ex, and I guess I lost myself in my sadness, frustration and anger in which he snapped me back to reality

“it’s a cruel cruel world out there, you shouldn’t trust people you only known for a little and THE WORLD DOESN’T OWE YOU OR ANYONE ANYTHING)”

he is absolutely right, in my despair I thought somehow I was entitled to fairness, answers and justice from life. the reality is if anything It’s the other way around.

and it’s not just me

Us the Narcissistic Party of Humanity owes the world a lot, we owe the world affection, care, time, love, shelter and everything we want from it.

We demand justice from the world, understanding, shelter, reason but we can’t even give it back…

(every time you feel like I’m generalizing please refer to the disclaimer at the top*)

Just doing it here and there isn’t enough, because if we want these things constantly we need to give it constantly.

There is no right way by the way, no set of rules instructions to follow on to how to give back, no suggestions (at least from me)

honestly just the love the world the way you want to be loved by it, and whatever that definition may be.

I promise you this world will be a little less shitty for all of us. a relationship takes two, and before you demand things from the world,

rethink your relationship with it.

 

Posted in Mask Off

We are all fucked up

I’m fucked up… maybe we all are. but I no longer try to hide the scars on my skins some self inflicted some inflicted by others.

I do no longer cry and want to hide, when people say these things to my face. “Crazy ,Emotional, Broken, Dramatic Depressed, Stubborn, Troublesome etc.”

There is truth to that, I can be all those things at certain times. I’m no longer ashamed or in denial about those perceptions.

I’ve grown to understand. While trying to please some people I made enemies with others.

For reasons that have nothing to do with my person but the kind of person they are, and how they perceive me. They feel threatened by my words and my presence even though no move or word I ever made and spoke was directed at them.

Most of the time, I was not aware of their existence nevertheless their distaste towards me, but it was from mouths of others that I discovered what my instincts felt.

My other enemies however do have some reasons, and those who I wronged in pursuit of an ambition, question or idea once I have realized my actions I have asked for forgiveness.

Whether they forgive me or resent me is no longer an issue with me but an issue with themselves.

We are all covered in scars… undergone things we shouldn’t of undergone, saw things we can’t unsee, and felt pain we didn’t deserve.

All had our heart broken due to loss.

However the fact we undergone all of that is not what makes us fucked up, it’s how we let it change us is that makes us fucked up.

You are born into this world with no insecurities, but after the first time you play with fire, you never see it the same.

Before you saw it of a source of warmth, now you see it as inflictor of pain. No longer do you want to play and become intimate with it.

Just as you tend to create distances from people, because… of those who burned you in the past wearing the same smile and having the same look in their eyes.

That’s where we are fucked up. Because we went through those experiences and let it take from us, is how we became fucked up